By Memorial weekend I will be embarking on a new adventure. I will be transitioning from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom. 

This is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but circumstances in our lives have prevented it in the past. As they say, life changes. I am very blessed to be in a position where I can stay home with my kids, while they still like having me around!

At the same time I feel guilty. The biggest reason why we are in this position is because of the generous heart of a friend. A friend who died and left an inheritance to us. I would give it all back to have our friend here.

Out of a tragedy births an opportunity. But still there is guilt.

It’s funny that we plan for our death with a life insurance policy. We plan so that when we die the ones we love will be taken care of, or at the very least, live life a little easier. That is the way we want it to be. But when we’re the one who is the beneficiary of that inheritance it takes on a whole other feeling. It’s called guilt. Guilt for enjoying the fruits of their labor. Even though that is how they planned it. That is what they want for you. {sigh}

Four weeks ago I watched another friend & co-worker suffer a fatal stroke right in front of me. If there is one thing I have learned from that day is that…

LIFE IS SHORT.

No one knows how long we have on this earth. Life is too short to live it being miserable. Plan for the future but live for the now.

To be honest, my heart hasn’t been in the job I have been doing for at least two years now. I was over-worked, over-stressed, over-guilted, over-whelmed, over-tired, and just plain over it all. But it’s hard to leave when you love the people you work with. It would have been so much easier if my boss was a big fat jerk. So, I tried to focus on happiness away from work. I even read books on how to be happy. {snort} No luck.

In the middle of an anxiety attack at four o’clock in the morning I had my “a-ha” moment. Why am I having this anxiety attack? What do I really want? The realization that I could actually ask for what I really wanted made it clear as day. I know the Lord was with me that night; and He gave me strength to say it clearly without holding back. A-ha.  I would have woke up hubby except he was already awake. We came to the decision together. Happiness is more important. I don’t want to die miserable. And there is one thing I absolutely know: today could be your last day.

It’s time to close the book on this chapter of my life and start a new…

I hope I don’t hate being a stay at home mom. I hope I don’t run away from my kids. Or they run away from me…