Most of my life I had been sheltered from grief. Up until I was 18 years old death didn’t touch my life.
Then, a dear friend committed suicide.
That was my first experience with death. Funeral. Grief. Suicide. Guilt.
This year we have had to say good-bye to a lot of family, friends & a beloved pet. Tuesday was number 8. Eight people we have lost in 10 months.
#8: It was my husband’s best friend from high school who died unexpectedly, just 2 weeks after the passing of his own father. Father and son gone. He was only 51 years old.
How do we carry on with so much death around us? My husband said he just wants this year to end! I wanted to say, “The passing of this year will not stop death.” But I self-edited and bit my tongue. It’s too soon to point out the obvious.
Time marches on. Life keeps moving; whether you want it to or not. You can’t stop life, or death for that matter, from happening.
There are a lot of emotions running on high when you receive news that a loved one has passed away. Sometimes the emotions are hard to justify or put into words. My husband has been questioning whether what he is feeling is appropriate or “correct”. I personally don’t feel that there is a “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently; on their own time schedule. There is no “getting over it” or “moving on”; there is just living day-by-day.
I found this great link to the 7 stages of grief and thought I would share. You can read the entire post at Recover From Grief.
Shock: “I can’t believe this. There must be some mistake.”
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger/Bargaining: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?” “I will never _______ again if you just bring him back.”
Guilt: “If only I ______. I could have prevented this from happening.” Guilt over angry words spoken, loving words not said, words left unsaid, etc.
Sorrow/Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.” “I really miss him/her.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Engaging Life: Start to enjoy life again.
We’re kind of stuck in the middle. Things have gotten more complicated when we found out my husband is the executor of the will and beneficiary…that specifically includes his dog. Are we ready for another dog after loosing our dog this summer? (People leave things in their will to the ones they feel will do their best to respect their wishes. I know I did when I made my will. So, I feel very strongly that his will should be carried out, to the best of our ability, as he had written it.)
Right now we are taking it one day at a time. There is a hole in my husband’s heart that I can’t fill. All I can do is stand by him. We will lean on our faith. Right now he wants to do it all by himself. Why do men do that? I just let him know that I am here to help. Whatever he needs, I’ll do it.
I know we are not the first to ever experience grief (…a lot of grief this year), and we will not be the last…but every time it is hard and it hurts still.
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Here’s another link that I have found helpful at the Awakened Life.
Have Faith Everyday 
I’m so sorry for your losses. Sounds like it’s been a rough year for all of you. I visited the Recover from Grief site, and found it had a lot of good content. Thank you for sharing it.
Sometimes it seems to me that whenever “stages” are listed concerning grief – unless someone has actually suffered a great loss and walked through deep grief – it’s easy to look at those “stages” as something you just walk through at a steady place to reach a final goal. Have you found that to be true? They look so straightforward when they’re listed like that, don’t they?
Grief isn’t linear, it’s unique to each person (as you said in your post), and it takes longer than you’d think to integrate certain losses into life. I’ve often said that grief not something where you start at the bottom of the valley of the shadow of death and march steadily upwards to the top of the hill. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and one back; sometimes it’s one step forward and two back. Sometimes it’s up and then down again. Sometimes it’s hanging out in one area for a while until you can move on. It is what it is.
Best wishes in your journey. Thank you for sharing your life.
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Yes it does seem straight forward when the stages are listed, but most people can tell you they are not straight forward, or even in that order. Some people get stuck in a stage and it takes a long time to get through it; and some people skip stages all together. That is way it is important to remember that everyone grieves differently. I like your take on the valley. That is a good analogy. Thanks for stopping by and your kind words. We will make it through this.
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Oh what a year…sending you gentle hugs and prayers for comfort.
xo
Robin
All Things Heart and Home
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