crazy bird

Today started like any other day except that Glenn is in the mountains fly fishing so I am home alone getting the girls ready for school and me out the door to work on  time. Okay, maybe it’s not that much different ’cause hubby isn’t much help in the mornings anyway.

The girls and I were in our downstairs bathroom, brushing teeth. Me telling them to hurry up because we were running a little late. Then we heard a noise in the bedroom. I don’t know what kind of noise exactly; it was just a noise that we shouldn’t be hearing. I turned to look out the bathroom door and in the reflection of the mirror on the wall I saw the curtains moving. The curtains in front of the window shouldn’t be moving!

A little scared I crept into the bedroom. Cautiously, I got to the window. Nothing. Then something. Something moving behind the curtains. I pull the curtains back…out flies a bird! Then 3 girls screaming.

The dang thing flew right down between the head of our bed and the wall. I pull the bed away from the wall. See the bird. Get a towel to “catch” it. I miss. Try again. Miss again. It flies through the bedroom. Then 2 little girls screaming as loud as they can. Poop flying from the bird landing like grenades on the carpet and wall. The bird lands in the bathroom. I close the door. Gotcha!

I wait a few minutes then approach the bathroom door. Slowly, I open the door but do not see the bird. Where did the bird go? I don’t see it. Wait, it’s in the shower. Good. Is that a good thing?

I peek in the shower. Upon further inspection I see it’s not just a bird, it’s a woodpecker. And not just any ‘ol ordinary woodpecker. It’s a freaking huge woodpecker! Claws that would take out an eye. A beak at least 6 inches in length. I think I have found the one who has been pecking holes all over my north facing side of the house this spring.

I attempt one last time to catch the corralled woodpecker in the shower. Failure. I decide to lock it in the bathroom for the day. We are all now very late getting out of the house.

Fast forward to 4:55pm. I am getting ready to leave work. Glenn calls. He came home early today. He knew about the woodpecker being kept hostage in the bathroom and decided to free it. One problem: the woodpecker had freed himself. Apparently he squeezed under the gap between the bottom of the door and the floor.

Now hubby was on a woodpecker hunt. Found in the office. He pooped on the couch and a pile of paperwork.

He tried many times to catch the woodpecker. Failure. Destruction of my bamboo blinds. The Great Woodpecker Hunter gave up and resorted to high-sticking the bird with a hockey stick.

Just kidding. But he did use the hockey stick to gently shoo the bird safely out an opened window.

Tonight our house is woodpecker free. And I am on poop cleanup duty. Yippee!

No woodpeckers were harmed in this story. Because that would be against the law since they are an endangered species and all.