It was the day before Valentine’s Day. I stood there in the bathroom reading the pregnancy test strip. It was screaming the unmistakable word: PREGNANT! My husband and I had planned on having two children, possibly three. And, here it was…baby number two on the way. Shaking, I walked into the kitchen where my husband was standing. He had just finished talking to his sister on the phone. Ironically, her daughter gave birth to her second child that very day! I don’t remember exactly what I said but I believe it went something like this: “Honey, we got an early Valentine’s gift…I am pregnant.” His response was anything but joyful. I expected him to be shocked, surprised, or speechless. What I got instead was that he did not want this baby!
Heartbroken, I cried for three days.
When we were on speaking terms again I told him I wanted this baby. This was always our plan. There was no other option available. Why was he so shocked? We hadn’t used any form of birth control for over 2 years. What also came as a surprise to him was the fact that I wanted another baby. Again, how could he be so oblivious? A baby was all I talked about for the past six months. His mind, and ears, were closed to the idea of another baby.
I begged for him to tell me why he didn’t want this baby. Finally, he admitted the underlying issue—Fear. Fear of the future.
Fear is a hard thing for him to admit. It’s probably hard for most men to admit. He is the man, the head of the house, and the protector. He’s not supposed to be afraid of anything. He was afraid we couldn’t afford a baby; afraid our life would become more chaotic; afraid we wouldn’t have enough love to share between two children.
When it came time to pick names I suggested “Faith”. “Because, Honey, you just have to have faith everything will work out,” I told him. I have faith the Lord wouldn’t give us more than we could handle. He has a greater plan that even we don’t understand. I put my faith in Him everyday. Faith is the most important defense I have against this world.
Faith became her middle name and when he held his daughter for the first time all his fears and doubt miraculously subsided. Yes, we have less money, our life is chaotic but we love her with all our hearts. She is truly a gift from God.
“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” Hebrews 1:1 NLT
Do you have faith in your future? Do you trust God to handle what you cannot? Do you have the courage to put your faith in something you can’t see. Surrender your fears to the Lord and trust He will carry you through.
Having faith doesn’t mean there is no fear; it means going forward in spite of fear.